wow i'm not even sure anyone gets on here anymore.. it seems like forever since i've done this
haha it took me a good couple minutes to figure out how to even write a new post!

so it's senior year..
its so strange to read over the thoughts i had a year ago
its so strange to think about how completely different my life is right now than it was a year ago

hah.. to be honest, highschool has just been a hard experience all around
don't get me wrong, it's been a ton of fun
but over these last four years it is crazy to see the different ways i've grown
i feel like every year there was some kind of trial i was going through

the college process has been draining and frustrating and stressful
i'm not one of those people who feel like there's only one right college out there for me and it's my job to search and search for it.. i really believe that i'll be okay wherever i end up. there's just so much to think about in terms of whether or not i want a christian school or public, i have to think about tuition and then take into consideration that i have to be within 350 miles which i've basically cut in half because i would prefer to go south.

not to mention, i feel like i'm in this all alone. my parents really have not been involved in the college process.
i feel like this year it was like poof! responsibility! i mean it's crazy, all of a sudden i was driving, serving at bob evans and babysitting nearly 3 nights a week in the summer to pay for kenya.. suddenly senior year came and all these decisions pop up that somehow i thought i had all the time in world to make.

my back is much worse.. it's really kind of to the point where i've lost hope that it's ever going to be back to normal. i think my dad feels the same way so we stopped going to physical therapy and stopped visiting the chiropractor.. nothing has helped and that is so frustrating! i just want to be able to run again like i used to

my parents have separated.. it's really been a crazy year for sure. there's just a lot of hurt i've been trying to sort through and deal with now rather than later.

what is so great though about all of this is that now, more than ever, i feel God's presence. i truly feel him working in me. in our weaknesses He is strong. in the midst of all this chaos and confusion there is some sort of peace and contentment deep within me. and in so many ways i am thankful for hardships. i have learned so much just from being in the middle of whats going on with my parents. i know that i am only going to be a stronger person coming out of this. i know that everything is going to be okay.

Currently Listening In Between Dreams By Jack Johnson see related

gosh i kinda feel bad as i scan over people's entries..
i haven't been on this thing in like 3 months haha

soo spring break is over.
i spent it in naples with my granny, grandpa, dad and brother
i miss the sun.
haha a great quote from my grandma..
"i describe you as an open-fire to all my friends"
i'm not 100% sure what that means lol
but i'm meant to live in a warm place--not the nati!

the last quarter of my junior year starts tomorrow
and i know i'm gonna be sad next year around this time
and miss all these moments
but i am totally okay with getting this year over with asap

honestly, its been such a fun year
there's definitely been a lot of challenging things thrown at me this year
but all in all it's been so amazing

i just want summer to be here.

before break i had a meeting with the college counselor and my dad
and i gotta say that it got me totally excited
before that meeting everytime i thought about college i was dreading it,
now i feel like i have a ton of options
if you wanna hear more about that just let me know hah

OH. i almost forgot. i hope you're sitting down.
because kara hendy has finally scheduled her driver's test!!!
yes.. i know, i never thought this day would come either lol
and no, i'm not telling the date. just pray that i pass haha.

well this has been fun.. i'll catch ya'll up in another months

Currently Listening Lifehouse By Lifehouse COME BACK DOWN see related

so maybe i should update this thing..

hmm what's been going on lately, well a lot actually. if you didnt know already, for the past couple months my grandma has been suffering from lung and brain cancer. it's been a really hectic and painful time for my family, it has been especially hard for my mom and i have found it hard to be there for her and help her through this. christmas was very different this year, it came way too fast.. i really wasn't ready for it at all.

and i actually decided to play basketball this year. i love all the girls on the team and it's been so much fun to be back but at the same time i've been having a very frustrating and discouraging time.

i can't wait for jterm next week though. its gonna be fun working in an elementary school every day. i wish i could go to like africa, japan, russia, costa rica, mexico, or jamaica.. oh that'd be so awesome.. well maybe next year hah..

well that's really it i guess.. except that trae and i just broke up for the second time this year. i'm really done with highschool relationships, i said that 6 months ago but hopefully i stick to that now...

i wish this update sounded more positive, but i hope everyone had a great christmas anndd....

happy new year!!

this is kinda fun...

A - You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.
B - You are always cautious when it comes to meeting new people.
C - You definitely have a partier side in you, don’t be shy to show it.
D - You have trouble trusting people.
E - You are a very exciting person.
F - Everyone loves you.
G - You have excellent ways of viewing people.
H - You are not judgmental.
I - You are always smiling & making others smile.
J - Jealousy.
K - You like to try new things.
L - Love is something you deeply believe in.
M - Success comes easily to you.
N - You like to work, but you always want a break.
O - You are very open-minded.
P - You are very friendly and understanding.
Q - You are a hypocrite.
R - You are a social butterfly.
S - You are very broad-minded.
T - You have an attitude, a big one.
U - You feel like you have to equal up to people's standards.
V - You have a very good physical and looks.
W -You like your privacy .
X - You never let people tell you what to do .
Y - You cause a lot of trouble.
Z - You're always fighting with someone.

K-You like to try new things.

A-You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.

R-You are a social butterfly.

A-You can be very quiet when you have something on your mind.

okay.. so how accurate is that?

i will not make the same mistakes that you did
i will not let myself
cause my heart so much misery
i will not break the way you did,
you fell so hard
i've learned the hard way
to never let it get that far

because of you
i never stray too far from the sidewalk
because of you
i learned to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt
because of you
i find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
because of you
i am afraid

i lose my way
and it's not too long before you point it out
i cannt cry
because i know that's weakness in your eyes
i'm forced to fake
a smile, a laugh everyday of my life
my heart can't possibly break
when it wasn't even whole to start with

because of you
i never stray too far from the sidewalk
because of you
i learned to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt
because of you
i find it hard to trust no only me, but everyone around me
because of you
i am afraid

i watched you die
i heard you cry every night in your sleep
i was so young
you should have known better than to lean on me
you never thought of anyone else
you just saw your pain
and now i cry in the middle of the night
for the same damn thing

because of you
i never stray too far from the sidewalk
because of you
i learned to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt
because of you
i try my hardest just to forget everything
because of you
i don't know how to let anyone else in
because of you
i'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
because of you
i am afraid

because of you
because of you

okay i hear this song alll the time and i think it's such a beautiful song, and i love it but i think it could be teaching us a bad habit.(yeahh im a nerd, i know) it's teaching us that it's okay to blame our problems and struggles on someone besides ourselves. there are always going to be people in our life or things that happen that cause grief and pain but i believe that how we choose to react to these people and situations is our own fault. i think blaming others is the lazy way and the easy way out. take control of whatever situation you're in and do something about it. you can change. i mean, there are going to be things to cry over but that doesn't solve anything. if you really want a different life than work for it. make it better. i don't know, now i'm just rambling... but live in the present, don't keep looking in the past wishing things could be different or be living in the future waiting for things to change on their own. change now, do something about it now. i think this song would be better if you took out all of the "because of you's"...

i never stray too far from the sidewalk
i learned to play on the safe side so i don't get hurt
i try my hardest just to forget everything
i don't know how to let anyone else in
i'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
i am afraid

please don't get in the habit of blaming your parents for the situation you are in, or your teammates, or your friends... it's lazy. shake it off, fix the areas in your life you can control, and strive to live the life you desire.